“I’d rather regret the things I’ve done than regret the things I haven’t done.” Lucille Ball
Yesterday marked the completion of my 36th trip around the sun, and throughout the entire day, I found myself contemplating whether a celestial fast track had propelled me to this status with an unexpected velocity. It feels like just yesterday I was a teenager drowning in a sea of emotions, blissfully unaware of the intricacies of life’s grand puzzle. Now, I find myself stuck in the quicksand of the past, while the future looms like a horror movie I’m not quite ready to watch.
Reflecting on the myriad of questionable decisions I’ve made along the way, I can’t help but play the “what if” game. What if I had skipped that catastrophic party, aced that one crucial test, or attended class on that crucial day? The possibilities are endless, and the weight of alternative timelines can be downright paralyzing. It’s not fair to those around me, and most importantly, it’s not fair to myself.
Days like yesterday become a mental battleground where I grapple with the notion that I’m doing the best I can. The routine of daily life—gym, kids, pets, work, rinse and repeat—can drive me bonkers, especially when I let my mind wander into the realms of “what could have been.”
I envision a version of myself with a Criminal Justice degree, gallivanting around the globe, achieving feats worthy of pride. The question echoes: “Who would I have been?” if I had just made that one pivotal change.
Amidst the emotional rollercoaster, once I shift from feelings to logic, I’m reminded of the reasons I’m content where I am. I think of my incredible children, resilient and thriving despite life’s obstacles. I extend gratitude to my mom for her unwavering support, even during moments when I didn’t deserve it. I appreciate my husband for witnessing my repeated stumbles. I recall my accomplishments, many achieved as a single mom dancing with uncertainty.
In the grand tapestry of life, failures—whether self-inflicted or beyond my control—have shaped my journey. I can wallow in regrets or embrace the understanding that failure is part of the human experience. Life is not a linear path; it’s messy, unpredictable, and often resembles a complex maze. If it were straightforward, it would be unbearably dull. So here’s to navigating the chaos, celebrating the victories, and embracing the beautiful mess that is life. Cheers to the unpredictability that keeps us on our toes!